Wow! Since I blog so infrequently, I am essentially paying $5+ to write this post alone– probably more around $8 or so. Yeah, this better be good. (It won’t be. Keep your expectations low.)

So, without updating you on every minute detail, Reader, my life has gone from Bumbling in Iowa —> B-bopping all day at a community college (=COD). I am doing summer school.

There are the most interesting people that attend summer school at community colleges. Seriously, I was worried that it was going to be lame– and it is. However! The people in my class keep my life reasonably spicy. The following few blogs will each be dedicated to someone in my class that I am perplexed by. Here is the first.

Girl-Who-Dresses-For-Clubbing

The name eliminates the need for explanation, although, I suppose I can elaborate a little. Here are my observations:

- Her outfits are never composed of more fabric than an apron
- She wears 4″ pumps to class everyday
- She asks the most obtuse questions all the time with the megaphone that is her voice. When did people stop being embarrassed to ask stupid questions?
- Real quote: “I don’t actually eat food. I just take fish oil pills, vitamins, and drink juice.”
- She also kind of resembles a transvestite, although she is apparently a single mother. So… that was just a mean subjective observation.

That’s all I’ve got for today. Up next: Lady-Who-Wears-Velvet-Pants-And-Eats-Out-Of-Her-Pocket.

As exciting as this sounds, I do not want to go to class tomorrow.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Also, I have learned that the rules that govern Community College parking differ from any other parking lot I have ever used. Rather than park in between the lines, it is common practice to park on the lines. All the time.

In the spirit of my Facebook News Feed, I would like to share with you, Dear Reader, the meaning of my name:

R: Rugged — Everyone thinks so.

A: Asinine — Self explanatory.

C: Cat Lady — Without cats.

H: Hater — If you read my blog, you would know.

E: Excellent — Always.

L: Low — To the ground.

Done. I know this was very meaningful and important for you, Reader, it was for me too.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. My internet < Garbage. Still.

Hi Reader,

DISCLAIMER: You may be thinking, “Rachel is so mean to write about someone she thinks is annoying” or “Rachel is annoying too, so who is she to complain?” And while all of this may be true, I have just spotted A Most Annoying Girl (because there are others.) Seriously. The level in which she annoys me truly exceeds anyone else I have never met.

Anyhow, there is this girl in one of my 200+ people lectures that asks questions every time my professor pauses to take a breath. It seems as though she has just a bottomless sack of stupid questions to whip out at any given moment. Today, I made the mistake of sitting in front of her. Here are my complaints:

-She breathes like a hairdryer. I could feel / hear her breath hit the back of my head. STRIKE ONE.

-As mentioned before, she is like the Santa Clause of obtuse questions, and it seems that every class period is Christmas. What is most frustrating, is that she relentlessly asks these types of questions multiple times EVERYDAY. STRIKE TWO.

-She laughs and talks to her self so loudly that I believe her only intent is to catch our professor’s attention. And if this were the case, JUST SIT IN THE FRONT ROW AND EXCHANGE NUMBERS WITH OUR PROFESSOR. THEN STOP COMING TO CLASS. STRIKE THREE.

Just to cut this short, because even though there is a zero-percent chance that she reads (or will ever read) my blog, I will just spare everyone from any further wrath…

Oh wait. There’s more. On a similar yet separate note, my internet is so slow, that I could likely walk a letter to your house faster than my internet could send an email– which is why I have not (and will not) proof-read this blog. IOWA.

I am just a bundle of roses today! I hope this does not too severely stain your imagine of me, Reader.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. My last chance to drink illegally is tomorrow.

THINGS I LIKE:
A Poem By Rachel

I like shiny things
Like glitter
And super-awesome rings.
I also like McDonald’s Sweet Tea,
Except it comes in a huge cup
And makes me have to go pee.
I like to wear lots of Camo,
Which is great in a forest,
And makes me look like a real Thug-f’sho.
I also like to knit at school,
But knitting is both time-consuming
And extremely uncool.
Writing poems isn’t really my forte
But I hope you accept it
Because it kind of rhymes, Mkay!

(Weak Poem, I know.)

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. I need to find an internship.

There are only TWO (2) things that I want this year for my birthday, (from everyone that plans on honoring my 21 years of existence by the gift of a present):

1. An iPhone Headset. I have lost / broken far too many of these to speak about.

2. 100 earring backs (If the entire point of screwback earrings is so that the backs don’t fall off, why have I lost / replaced at least a million?)

Okay, that is all.

Thanks, Reader!

Love,

Rachel

P.S. I don’t know anyone who is still enrolled in high school = I am getting old.

- 5 year old kid + 80 year old lady = me
- My retainer is made of pink glitter
- I like oil painting
- I like everything to be as bright as possible
- Sometimes, I like to wear Gangster clothes because they are baller
- Whenever I am at home, I tie / wear a headband /clip my bangs up because I hate having hair in my face
- I am going to marry Jim Halpert (from The Office)
- I always wear $0.70 around my wrist
- I despise jean shorts, gelled hair, and barbed-wire arm tattoos
- I programmed a functioning remote car key (What what! Yeah.)
- I wear Camo for fun
- I knit like it is my full-time job
- My two bears wear overalls
- I am always right

LOVE,

Rachel

Dear Rachel,

You are a complete dumbass. Here is a summary of your day as proof:

(NOTE: All “You / Me / I”’s = Rachel)

Well, since you stepped on those headphones last week, I decided to buy another $30 set the other day. What? Where are they now? Oh that’s right, you lost them, again. Apparently, God has decided that it can not be in your cards to have a set of headphones. I am too scared to buy a fifth pair only to be certain of this theory.

Secondly, remember how you got a ticket last week for underfeeding the parking meter? Well in order to avoid this, I changed $5 of quarters at Target today. This is what happened next:

1) You parked in the parking garage (which has meters, P.S. I agree that it is quite odd.)
2) You hopped out of my car
3) You skipped off to class

Yes, you forgot to feed the meter completely. And of course, when I am driving off, I spot a slip of paper rolled up under my windshield wiper. Yes, I got another parking ticket.

But wait– what? I’m not even certain that the slip is even a ticket (It is.)– since your arms were too short to reach the ticket in the middle of my windshield.

I won’t even begin on how much of a failure you feel like today. How is it possible to almost exactly replicate your weak day from last week? But instead of rolling down a hill, yes, you should most certainly walk into a lake-sized puddle (I did).

Bring your A-game next Tuesday. No more of this. Man up.

With Mediocre Feelings,

More-Sensible Rachel

P.S. Reader, I am not like Nikki / Jessica from Heroes and do not have more than one personality. I do not otherwise know how to admit to my impossible dumbassery.

Hi Reader,

I had a pretty weak day today. Here is a brief summary of what happened:

I slipped down an ice-coated hill and tripped on the steps to the College of Business. I cracked my iPhone head-set by stepping on it outside of my car. Also, I got a parking ticket at 9:10pm (when no one is on campus, PS) for underfeeding my meter by 35 minutes. Deserved, but still.

Anyhow, I have decided to create a list of my strengths and weaknesses as a mediocre ego-boost.

Weaknesses:

- Evidently, walking
- Being a Death-Trap Magnet
- Being disheveled
- Procrastinating
- Having low partying skill-levels (especially after 8 months of working, might I add. If I was weak before, I’m far below that now.)
- Having unreasonably high expectations
- Losing my BFF bracelet 3 times (but since we are BF Forever, under no circumstance can he disown me.)
- Not being able to Bow-Hunt from a tree (yet)
- Being a collegiate traitor
- Dropping things
- Parallel parking

Strengths:

- Knitting
- Asking questions
- Talking
- Spending money
- Blow-drying my hair
- Watching The Office
- Moving to new places
- Wearing Camo
- Being mediocre at ice-skating
- Being friendly
- Walking around Target
- Buying shoes
- Thinking that everything is funny
- Having pure intentions
- Ordering at Chipotle (<- seriously)

That is all that I can think of at the moment, and I know this is all completely riveting, so thanks for getting this far, Reader.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Perhaps my truest strength is throwing down the peace sign.

New Blog design…

It feels weird.

More to come later…

LOVE,

Rachel

Yes, Reader, I am so clever with words, indeed.

In the unlikely scenario that you have not been diligently following my blog, my internship with IBM in Minnesota is near its end, as I have less than a month before returning to full-time student-ship. I have been searching for the end since I started my internship in May, which may sound like I have not enjoyed my time here, but on the contrary, the time that I have spent here has possibly been the best experience of my life. This post (and its sequel) will give a brief synopsis of my seven (almost eight) month journey in Rochester, Minnesota.

……………………………………..

With the exception of becoming a princess, winning a job with IBM was my most unlikely dream to be realized. In the past nine months, I have made at least five life-changing decisions, and the first (1), and best decision was accepting this job. And even though I did not fully understand what I was getting myself into, I tried to welcome the foreign experience with open arms and an open mind.

I took my chances on a random roommate, Ashley, a move which turned out to be the second (2) best decision I have made. Moving to Minnesota left me on completely foreign turf with no one and no where even remotely familiar. I spent my first four days alone, wandering around Target, and lapping the Rochester Mall. I had been warned that finding a random roommate could be disastrous, and when I first learned more about Ashley– well– we had literally nothing in common except for being the same gender and having similar hair-lengths.

I do not exaggerate when I say that we had nothing in common, as our differences were more significant than, “She likes blue, and I like pink” or “She plays the flute and I played the violin,” but our similarities were so few and far between, the beginning did not seem even remotely promising. Reader, I’ll spare you the romantic details, and since this is my second best decision, I’m sure you are sharp enough to realize it had a positive outcome.

Despite our extremely vast differences from every possible angle on the surface, from sheer natural appearance and personal fashion to the blazing differences in our personalities, it soon became clear that we had a lot more in common than either of us could have suspected (that was a solid book-cover line right there!). It turns out that beneath (pretty far down) our social facades, we have remarkably similar core principles.

Ashley has been a fantastic roommate, and grown to be a truly phenomenal friend, for which I will never forget. In a completely non-romantic way, it has been so personally inspirational to find myself in someone so blatantly different from me. This blog is already sounding like a love ballad to Ashley, but she was the most imperative ingredient in my positive journey these past eight months.

To be continued….
………………………………………………….

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. I know I said this would be “Brief”– but my internship was 7 months long, what did you expect? Also, I will try to not make the sequel so gushy. Thanks for doing your job, Reader!